Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize