Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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