3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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