his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
