Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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