bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
