Heybabeimwearingurpanties
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Never underestimate the power of titties
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
