69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
