I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
