Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
