I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
