my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
