whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
