so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
