his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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