I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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