Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
