If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
did i walk over a car last night?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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