He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
