Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize