never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
