put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
