you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize