yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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