I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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