When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
