The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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