I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
