It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
