So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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