Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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