apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
