Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
