You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
