I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize