Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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