Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Randomize