wrigley field is MILF paradise
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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