I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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