I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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