Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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