Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
