there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
