He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
