i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
