im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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