is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
