you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Randomize
