god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
