I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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