Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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