Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
