??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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