someone threw a dead crab at me
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
