I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
