Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize