anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
