i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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