I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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