its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
