Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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