Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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