I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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