I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
