the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I love you.
Bad choice
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