So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize